Intentional Mentor Relationships
from Pastor George Sasso, CCCH Marriage & Family Ministry
with Lydia Randall and Kurt Bruner, The Center for Strong Families
We become like those we spend time with. That’s why mentor relationships are important for every man. Use the following suggestions whether you are seeking a man to invest in you or find yourself ready to pour into the life of someone else.
Finding the right mentor(s)
The ideal mentor is someone who is a bit further along in their faith journey. They do not necessarily need to be older, but life experience usually brings greater wisdom. Nor do they need to be an expert in every aspect of manhood. It is ok to ask one man to mentor you on marriage, for example, and someone else to coach you on fatherhood, your work, etc. Here are a few ideas on finding a mentor:
- Ask God to help you identify someone that you respect enough to speak into your life.
- Decide what specific areas that you would like to have this person mentor you in such as marriage, ministry, finances, spiritual growth, parenting, etc.
- Ask the person to consider mentoring you for a specific season rather than leaving the time frame open ended. For example, “Randy, I’ve observed how you operate as a husband. I need to learn from someone like you. Would you consider spending time mentoring me to help me become a better husband? Specifically I would like for you to mentor me for the next 4 months. During that time I would like to meet with you 3 or 4 times for either coffee or lunch, my treat. I would like to meet for 50 minutes each time and I will provide you a list of 3-4 questions at least 48 hours before we meet. I would take responsibility to request the meeting times. Please think about this and I will call you tomorrow to follow up.”
- Call the next day. If they are unable or unwilling to meet your request approach someone else in the same way. If they are open to mentoring you, schedule your first meeting to occur within 10 days.
- At the end of the specified season it is ok for you to go a different direction or ask if they would be open to another specific stretch of time.
Finding others to mentor
Who can you encourage and coach toward becoming a more Godly man? Some men are hesitant to ask for a mentor. That’s why those who are willing and able to do so should pour into younger men. Look for someone who is FAT. Not heavy, but someone who is Faithful, Available, and Teachable.
- Faithful: They’ve demonstrated maturity and you see greater potential if given the right encouragement and coaching.
- Available: They seem hungry to learn and would take your investment in them seriously.
- Teachable: They usually respond well to coaching and instruction.
When approaching someone to mentor, use similar guidelines to those you would use asking to be mentored. A few suggestions…
- Ask God to help you identify someone who would benefit from your encouragement and coaching.
- Decide what specific areas that you would like to invest in this person. (i.e. marriage, ministry, finances, spiritual growth, parenting, etc.)
- Don’t feel awkward about making the offer. Your goal is not to say “I’m so brilliant I think you need me to mentor you.” It is rather to say that you see potential in him that you would love to help unleash. For example, “Would you consider me mentoring you in this specific area for this certain amount of time? I will set the meetings and I will provide you with a list of things to be thinking about before we meet.”
- At the end of the specified mentoring season reassess whether both of you would like to continue for another specified period of time.
See below for specific contexts in which you can connect with other men you might mentor or ask to mentor you.
GOING FURTHER
CCCH offers a variety of ministry contexts within which you can connect with other men to pursue mentoring relationships.