Recipe Cards

Tools For Men: Honey Do List


Honey-Do List for Romance


To help you discover practical ways to speak your wife’s romantic love language and to help her meet yours

Advance Preparation

  • Schedule a dinner date, coffee date, or meeting during your lunch hour.
  • Each spouse should spend a few minutes making their own list (see reverse side).

During The Date

  1. Exchange lists with each other and discuss them together.
  2. Avoid the temptation to say “you never do this for me.”  The purpose of this activity is to give each other practical ideas to communicate your love in coming weeks and months rather than present a list of past failures.
  3. Keep in mind that this activity is like requesting a Christmas or birthday gift list.  It will help you/your wife give based upon clear needs and likes.  Don’t treat it like a task list but as an opportunity to find more meaningful ways to express your love.

What Says “I LOVE YOU” to your wife?

Every house demands attention: dirty windows, squeaky doors, broken blinds, and the like.  These projects end up on what your wife might label a honey-do list: tasks she wants you to handle that may or may not match your own list of priorities.  Conflict can emerge when things on her list aren’t as important to you as they are to her. In like manner, every husband and wife has a different honey-do list when it comes to romance.

What expressions of love carry the most meaning for your wife?  How does her list differ from yours?  Things that seem romantic to you may not spark the same feelings in your wife and what might “turn her on” may have little effect on you.

Assignment #1:  Take turns identifying “gifts” that make you feel loved.

  • Give me a hug
  • Kiss me goodnight
  • Kiss me before work
  • Pray with me
  • Come home on time
  • Call during the day
  • Say you’re proud of me
  • Wink/whistle at me
  • Come to bed when I do
  • Text you’re thinking about me
  • Make my favorite meal
  • Show interest in my work
  • Bring me flowers
  • Write me a note
  • Take a walk with me
  • Flirt with me
  • Play with the kids
  • Surprise me with a small gift
  • Compliment me
  • Ignore phone while with me
  • Help me around the house
  • Nibble my neck
  • Rub my feet
  • Hold my hand

Assignment #2:  Take turns identifying the three most meaningful expressions of love to add to one another’s honey-do lists.  Suggestions can come from the above list or not.  If your spouse says cleaning a cluttered kitchen shows love, write it down!  Keep the short list with you to trigger simple, positive and practical ways of saying “I love you” in the weeks ahead!

Assignment #3: Hold hands and pray this simple prayer together…

Lord, thank you for making us unique. Help us to communicate our love for each other more often and in meaningful ways.  As we do, remind us that loving each other is one way that we show our love for You. Amen